Top Ten Excuses to Hoard Useless Items in the Attic

1. This is an antique.
   So sell it to Antiques Roadshow or something. Please.
2. This is a collector's item. It will be worth money someday.
   Maybe. But be realistic... probably not.
3. This will fit me again someday.
   No it won't. And if it does... it will be so far out of style that everyone will know you went through a LONG chubby period.
4. I will find a use for this random length of rope or piece of upholstery, but for now I will stick it in a box.
   You will forget about this item and you will never use it. Just give it up.
5. This is a hobby I should take up someday.
   If you have enough money to retire and actually develop hobbies that you would need to put off for now... you can buy it later.
6. I am keeping this for my children.
   Seriously, any more than ONE BOX of knickknacky shit and your children will NOT be grateful. They will be angry. Really angry.
7. When my appliance/winter coat/board game wears out and is no longer functional, I will replace it with this other one that I can put away for now.
   Ok... no. When you leave something in your attic for that long, not only does it lose quality, but you forget about it. Most likely, you will just buy a new one and then come across the other one someday much later... and throw it out because a bat made a nest in it and had baby bats.
8. I am keeping this because it belonged to my dead relative.
   Let's be honest. That's a little creepy.
9. This has sentimental value because [insert random person's name] gave it to me.
   Just call them instead. Unless they're dead... in which case, see (8).
10. I am saving this for the zombie apocalypse.
    REALLY? And you don't have a bomb shelter? SHAME ON YOU.