All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
join in any reindeer games
Then one foggy Christmas eve
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your nose so bright
Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"
Then all the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer
you'll go down in history!
Like every other social outcast, Rudolph learns an important lesson: The other children will love you only when you become useful to them. But remember... you're still a freak.
2. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town
He's making a list
and checking it twice
Gonna find out who's naughty and nice
Santa Claus is coming to town
He sees you when you're sleeping,
he knows when you're awake
He knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness' sake
Santa Claus is a creepy stalker. He will punish you for your sins. Be very afraid.
3. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
Oh, what a laugh it would have been
If Daddy had only seen
Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night
Wow, Mommy is an adulterer and Santa is a womanizer! LOL!
4. Frosty the Snowman
Frosty the snowman, knew the sun was hot that day
so he said, "let's run, and we'll have some fun,
before I melt away."
I'm about to die a horrendously gory and painful death! So uh... let's play tag!
5. The Twelve Days of Christmas
On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me:
9 Ladies Dancing
8 Maids a milking
7 Swans a swimming
6 Geese a laying
5 Golden Rings
4 Calling Birds
3 French Hens
2 Turtle Doves
and a Partridge in a Pear Tree
True love is... jewelry, women, and a metric ton of poultry.
Teach your children core values! Sing Christmas Carols every year!
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